Memoirs of the Regent

Chapter 40 Philosophy of Life

At the very beginning, Yun Cen thought he traveled to ancient times, but he didn’t; the second time he thought he traveled to the future, but he didn’t; the third time he thought he traveled to a parallel space, but he didn’t; the fourth time he He thought he was still on the earth, but he wasn't; the fifth time he thought that daily life would go on endlessly, God gave him two slaps.

When we are young, we usually have many unreliable imaginations. For example, we really believe that one day we will travel through time, and the days will be completely different from yesterday. Whether it is a good change or a bad change, as long as there is a change, even if it is A pool of stagnant water needs to make waves.

When the dog was reading Wen Yiduo's collection of poems with emotion, Yun Cen skillfully dialed a number: "Hello? Is this Xinxin Pet Hospital? My dog ​​is going to be neutered—oh!"

The receptionist of Xinxin Pet Hospital held the microphone differently and asked, "What's the matter, sir, are you okay? I heard a dog barking just now?"

While shaking the dog hanging from his sleeve, Yun Cen said, "Men are always a little bit resistant to this kind of thing, but it's okay, just wait for him to get used to it, let's make an appointment."

"I'm sorry sir, because there are too many reservations, it will be scheduled until next year, and some guests start making reservations as soon as they take their dogs home."

"Got it, got it!" Yun Cen hung up the phone, "Hey, why are your eyeballs red, I was just joking, don't do that."

Er Gouzi jumped down and said sullenly: "What are you people on earth thinking about? Why do you need to sterilize dogs? Not only dogs, I see those cats and horses have all been sterilized. You humans don't want to be sterilized. Do you think this is too cruel?"

Yun Chen was silent.

The two dogs jumped to the top of the cabinet, stood up straight and said with righteous indignation: "Your narrow race should have disappeared in history long ago! As the dust of history, you have existed for too long, and the earth has long since You moths are suffering unspeakably, parasites, your doomsday is here, I—a conqueror from the Sattva and Ma galaxies officially declare to you, we will definitely exterminate human beings, and return the creatures on the earth to a bright future! "

Yun Cen took a handful of tennis balls from the tennis basket behind the sofa, and hit Er Gouzi, "Tell you to hide, tell you to hide."

Er Gouzi was tired from playing, and lay lazily on Yunchen's back, like a warm blanket, "During the ancient times, about 47-25 billion years ago, a meteorite in northern Siberia was found on 36 Recalling the visit to the earth from Mars years ago, there may be some kind of fungus on board, and marine organisms such as cyanobacteria in this period have provided precious oxygen for the earth today after billions of years."

Yun Cen twisted and turned without dangling the dog skin plaster from his body, and scratched his back with his hand pressing the comic book. The moment he grabbed the dog's tail, he felt that Er Gouzi's muscles were tense, and he sighed. "Isn't it just eating seaweed? As for the 40 billion years?"

Er Gouzi groaned and stuck out his tongue, "You humans don't know how to be grateful at all. Do you think it's easy for a piece of seaweed to grow from 40 billion years ago?"

Er Gouzi stepped on Yun Cen's foot, "Idiot, do you think you can do it with just 40 billion years of mouth talking? Listen, from 25 billion to 6 million years after the end of the ancient era , called the Proterozoic era, this is a period of accumulation, your human lifespan of several decades, even a mayfly that lives and dies overnight, is born after 19 billion years of accumulation, understand you?"

"Yes, yes, let's eat a piece of seaweed to refresh our spirits."

"Crackling... why are you turning the page, I haven't read the previous page yet!"

"No time to wait."

"Did I lick you?" He gestured to stick out his tongue.

Yun Cen quickly turned the page back.

Er Gouzi was happy, and continued to force popular science: "After a long period of silence, at the watershed between the Proterozoic and the Paleozoic, complex multicellular organisms appeared, and the earth finally ushered in a new era full of vitality. The Paleozoic was about from 6 million The year lasts to 2.25 million years, and it consists of the Cambrian, Ordovician, Silurian, Devonian, Carboniferous, and Permian. When I first came to the earth, I was from the size of a teacup to the size of a palm. The Dikra jellyfish, and the slightly smaller Dickinsonia jellyfish lay quietly on the bare plains of the Cambrian seabed, it is really enviable to be free..."

Yun Cen grabbed him off his body and held him under his arm, "Cambrian, right? You visited the earth 5 to 6 million years ago, you are so awesome?"

Er Gouzi squeezed out from his arm, never taking his eyes off the manga, "Our time is different from yours. Your ephemeral wisdom cannot understand the world of long-lived species." After finishing speaking, he pretended to be aggressive. sighed.And Yun Cen's poisonous hand has already approached his furry belly, "Ha! You can do such a despicable trick as tickling? Where is the pride of the earthlings?"

"Then you have to look like a pet!"

The dog's warm belly and smooth fur feel great to the touch, and when Yun Chen rubs it, he feels like the dog that was still struggling just now [Is it a dog now? ! ] Suddenly motionless, Yun Cen poked his belly, "Hey..."

It seems that something has been poked, "Is it a lice? Are you born with lice?" Curiously twisting and pulling, and then peeling off the hair, "So it's your cock... By the way, you are a male, right? Fuck you aren't shy, are you?"

The dog got up from the floor blankly and staggered out.

"Boom—" The door was slammed shut.

Yun Cen and Wu Wu looked at each other in blank dismay, is this a fire?

He looked at his hands, the previous dogs didn't react and enjoyed it?What happened this time, is it because he is an alien?Can aliens not be rubbed on their stomachs?

Yun Cen put the comic book aside and started the world of Liver Demons until the sun went down and the sky became dark, Er Gouzi didn't come back. Donghua University was suspended indefinitely because of the bombing, Yun Ning didn't know what happened Why didn't show up for several days, Yun Cen got bored and logged off, the dog hasn't come back yet?Didn't you usually call yourself hungry at this time?What should he do if a pampered alien wanders outside and is bullied by garden dogs?Otherwise, there are still his natural enemies, cats, all over the street?

evening News

"Recently, cats and dogs have been beaten many times in Beijing. Many profit-seeking people use guns and other crime tools to hunt and kill stray dogs. The main consumption channels are dog meat restaurants, etc. There is no such thing as a dog of unknown origin. After quality inspection, the danger of eating is very high, the following is the follow-up report of our reporter—”

A very clear picture appeared on the TV screen. The current camera is only as big as a bean, and the definition can even count the eyelashes. The reporter was arguing with the boss about whether the dog is healthy. The boss took him to the back kitchen impatiently. The picture of the kitchen showed every detail. Among the dogs in the rows of cages, Yun Cen clearly saw a familiar figure.Isn't that his dog? !Was he arrested and taken to a hotpot restaurant?What about conquering the earth?Shall we start by conquering the stomachs of the earthlings?

At an angle that humans can't notice, his dog is knocking on a screen. Although humans can't notice it, the reporter's camera has accurately captured the picture of the terminal.

Yunchen's terminal beeped, and he picked it up expressionlessly. The information prompt was [Er Gouzi], it's really his dog!

: My generation is a dog, and now I have been caught, please help.Also included a pitiful expression.

And at the same time, people who saw the news on the Internet had already maxed out the comment section of this station!

[Did you see it?The large dog in the cage is texting!Friends with good eyesight, popular science what he said! ]

[Hahaha!Same request! ]

[Upstairs, don't you realize that it is a alien creature that invaded the earth?The earth is about to fall and you still have a funny mind, presumably the relevant departments will intervene soon, right? ]

[My big flower plant does have a magical department called the relevant department. ]

[Idiot upstairs, line up downstairs. ]

[The idiot upstairs. ——This is the first time I have seen such a fresh and refined request. ]

[………]

Yun Cen: "You have already been broadcast live, and your vest has exploded, so please yourself, [Screenshot jpg.]"

The dog in the camera is lying on the ground and pretending to be dead, as if struck by lightning.

Then the screen paused, and the ground turned black, but the network hadn't stopped watering.

[Look, if you say the relevant department, the relevant department will arrive. ]

[Then here comes the question, ask the relevant departments to plant flower dragon group, dragon breath, dragon head, sharp knife or iron blood? ]

[Thanks to the idiot upstairs for giving me the opportunity to speak. The names provided above are all national security departments. For example, you should refer to Area 51 for extraterrestrial creatures. ]

[Old beauty upstairs, after the appraisal, we should find flowers for planting... Oh my god, I can’t think of any organization, am I ignorant? ]

[Isn’t the alien landing place all in the United States?We are in charge of all kinds of monsters. A few days ago, there was an abnormal hurricane in the South China Sea. I guess there are fellow daoists who are crossing the sea. ]

There are all kinds of people on the Internet, and they talk nonsense.

However, it is needless to say that relevant departments intervene.

It seems that Er Gouzi has no hope of returning, maybe he is on the way to be cut into dog pieces.

He was sad for three seconds and prepared to bury Er Gouzi's favorite things during his lifetime, and set up a clothes tomb to commemorate those years of flying together.

Just as he was digging a hole in the backyard, a handsome silver-gray flying car stopped outside the door, the driver's door opened, and a pair of long legs stepped out, followed by a silver ponytail, Ming Jing waved to Yunchen , opened the rear door, and a dog that was much emaciated jumped out and ran into the house with its tail between its legs.

Do you know how to be ashamed?

Yun Cen put down his shovel and walked to the door. Ming Jing handed him a document and explained: "The superior knows that this is an alien kept by you in captivity, so he ordered me to bring it over and give it to you. I hope you will take good care of him. , after all, the existence of aliens is still a secret to ordinary people.”

Yun Cen signed his name on the document in a daze.

In his opinion, the reason why the relevant departments didn't catch Er Gouzi and cut him up for slicing is not only because of him, but also because Er Gouzi is worthless...

Indeed, the Butterfly organization scanned Er Gouzi's body and learned that it was just a dog, not wearing dog skin.

"Then I'll go first."

After Ming Jing left, Yun Cen entered the room and saw the dog with its head hidden under the sofa, its butt protruding and its tail tucked in, and said, "Aliens? Are they still conquering the earth? Conquering at the dining table?"

Er Gouzi pretended that he was invisible and said nothing.

In the end, Yun Cen got impatient and dragged him out from under the sofa by his two hind legs, pressed it on the chair, and brought out the meal, "Today we have braised pork and pork ribs, very rich! "

After smelling the aroma of meat and rice, and seeing the milk on the table that he liked the most and that Yunchen hated the most, Er Gouzi calmed down after taking a walk on the edge of life and death, and he killed half of the milk in one gulp. Drinking a glass of milk, he suddenly said, "Did you just dig a hole and bury my philosophy books?"

Yun Cen: "..."

"There are always things in the world that are more important than philosophy books, such as two plates of braised pork." Yun Cen pushed his own plate in front of Er Gouzi.

But Er Gouzi didn't eat, and Yun Cen sat there awkwardly.

"I'll never ask Jon why he walked into the pet store that day."

"Okay, buddy, this plate of braised pork is also mine, right?"

"Oh, it's eight o'clock. It's time for me to take a bath. Good night."

"By the way, do you want to save water and let's take a shower together?"

"...No."

When Er Gouzi went to take a bath, Yun Cen silently picked up his philosophical books and other items. The reason why he wanted to bury these things instead of collecting them himself was because they were the favorites of homophobic straight men.After all, he didn't bury the comic books.

Ah, what a guilty conscience!

The author has something to say: My mother killed a mouse and frightened me with its corpse, and punched it in my face, and told my father that I kissed a mouse...I must have picked it up from the trash can Come on, I received [-] points of damage, and the list just happened to be updated, so I will update it after the list comes out next week, amen.