Totem

9

Wang Maoyun stood in the sun and did not move forward.Maybe Cao Mingzi thought she wanted to take a look, but in reality Wang Maoyun just suddenly felt powerless.

No, not now.

So she took a step.Cao Mingzi also stepped forward to greet her, but he didn't hug her waist or hold her hand.Just be with her.Side by side is also good, Wang Maoyun thought, better than last time.The last time the two met was in a hotel room.Even though it was thousands of miles away, Wang Maoyun felt that it was too bad. Why did she see Cao Mingzi as if she saw a girlfriend she didn't love before or a one-night stand she didn't love now?We shouldn't be like this.

But she followed Cao Mingzi in everything.Even choose this old hotel that is full of stories but has nothing to do with you.She no longer wanted to ask why she didn't go to Cao Mingzi's house, nor did she want to ask why she didn't choose other better and more comfortable hotels in Vancouver.Don't want to ask, it's up to you, I don't know what agreement you and your husband have reached - yes or no, it doesn't matter.I just want to see you.

I tried to let it go after seeing you that first time.

Opening the door, she saw Cao Mingzi's slightly fatter figure sitting beside the bed with his back to her.She had nothing to say, but closed the door silently.

Cao Mingzi didn't say anything, even after Wang Maoyun closed the door, she slowly got up and walked over, hugging Wang Maoyun and stroking the familiar face, she remained silent.

Adult laughter can be a variant of crying, and adult tenderness can also be an expression of crying.Wang Maoyun didn't know if Cao Mingzi wanted to use this to confirm something, but she did confirm some things.Or think about it the other way around, if Cao Mingzi came here with this goal in mind from the very beginning, and this matter was included in her to-do list, then it would be justifiable to choose this place.The existence of an agreement in this way is a kind of forgiveness and care for herself. If it does not exist, it would be too cruel for her, Wang Maoyun.

Cao Mingzi blushed when he was lying down, looked at Wang Miaoyun indifferently, and gently brushed the corners of Wang Miaoyun's eyes and cheeks with his index finger in the way Wang Miaoyun was familiar with.

Since when did I lose you?

The answer to this question should be, from the beginning.

Then Cao Mingzi turned around and started to put on his clothes.It wasn't until he was dressed that Wang Maoyun took the initiative to speak—not to save Cao Mingzi from trouble, but to save himself from suffering—suggested, "Let's go have a drink? It's in the hotel lobby. I see, today Nobody."

She heard Cao Mingzi laugh, with that helpless sigh. "Yes. There is usually no one in this house."

"It's really big." Walking into Cao Mingzi's house, Wang Maoyun looked around, then sat among the flowers and plants in the backyard, and took the coffee that Cao Mingzi handed over.

"Just kidding me." Cao Mingzi said, "I heard that someone cashed out and left the house, and their wealth skyrocketed. Still think this house is big?"

"There are also a lot of flowers and plants." Wang Maoyun didn't answer, but just looked around.

"Yeah." Cao Mingzi took a sip of coffee, then leaned back in the chair and hugged the coffee cup. "It's a lot of work to trim, but it's also a lot of fun."

"Aren't you going to take Mom over here?"

"Hurry up. It's easier to handle now. The first two years were too busy. She is still learning English at home, and she said she needs to get used to it in advance to avoid loneliness."

"There are a lot of Chinese in Vancouver, so they won't be lonely."

Cao Mingzi heard her words so maturely and tiredly, "Are you tired from flying?"

"Ah."

"The last time you went back, didn't you take a break?"

"It's time to rest." Wang Maoyun said, smiling as much as possible.But she couldn't say she was resting all the time, although she was. "I went to Tibet for a while. But then I had some things to do, and I was a little busy for a while. It's not as busy as when I was young."

"Then it's time to change the way." Cao Mingzi said, leaning forward slightly, "Leave the matter to the young man, you should take care of it. Anyway, you can do it. It's time to chase something else."

If there was no incident during the last visit, Wang Maoyun would probably feel that this was Cao Mingzi's tactful refusal.

It's time to chase something else, as the co-founders and she said.Originally, this big brother wanted to grow big, but later found that the opportunities for big growth were getting less and less, so he began to yearn to be an angel investor.It feels good too.He originally wanted to leave the stall to Wang Maoyun, but he gave up after asking for advice, and just invited Wang Maoyun to go out for a drink.

After drinking for three rounds, my partner said, oops, I have a career, and I am going to leave suddenly, and I am still a little unaccustomed.Wang Maoyun smiled and talked about many things with his partner, and his partner also laughed, and finally said, yes, I was obsessed, but I didn't expect to let it go.Wang Maoyun was a little touched when he heard this, half drunk.

"Can you really let go?" she asked.

"Why not? Life is vast, and there are many things worth pursuing."

The other party knew part of Wang Maoyun's past, but he didn't know about Wang Maoyun and the married Cao Mingzi, so he asked me to analyze, "Career, family, relationship, there is no uniqueness in life."

"Then what is the only thing in life?" Wang Maoyun said, "at least—what is the main thing."

"Myself." The partner replied.

"Well, so that's why you 'betrayed' us!" Wang Maoyun laughed.

The partner laughed with her for a while, and said seriously: "This is not an egoist statement. It is a fact. Even if you are not an egoist, you have done a lot of things for others, but in the end your life is still your own. Whether you are happy or unhappy, your own pain or happiness, it is difficult to share and share. 'Your life is yours' not only means that you have autonomy, but also means that you are the only one who pays the price."

The partner keenly saw the sad look in Wang Maoyunzui's eyes, and began to persuade her to go to Tibet.

"Go and live for a while when your heart is in turmoil, and purify your mind."

"Purification?" Wang Maoyun said, as if he didn't think his suffering was filthy.

"No, that's what it means, you can also understand stripping away unnecessary things."

Wang Maoyun didn't answer, and continued to drink with his partner.After the two said something else, Wang Maoyun suddenly said, "I don't think... I don't think Tibet can purify my heart."

"Then go to a place that can be purified."

She smiled, "Maybe I still have too many things to say goodbye to."

"Then go say goodbye, and go to Tibet after you say goodbye." The partner insisted, "I think you should go."

"So that's why you chose to give up your own startup."

"No! The reason I gave up is! The price is right!"

That night, Wang Maoyun returned home and began to prepare for a detour to Canada before going public.

Cao Mingzi sat with her in the hotel bar for a long time, and did not leave until dusk.Wang Maoyun pretended that she would fly to New York the next day, but she didn't. She was still in Vancouver, and she wanted to stay closer to Cao Mingzi for a while.So when she woke up the next morning, after finishing her work, she went back to the same seat at the bar and sat down.Looking at the drizzling English Bay.

For a long time, her head was empty and she didn't think about anything.Until the phone vibrated and saw the message from Cao Mingzi, I wish her a safe journey and a smooth IPO, and come to Vancouver whenever I think about it.

What are you here for?What are you thinking?Wang Maoyun stopped thinking.Put the phone into the coat pocket, but just touched a box of matches inside.She took it out and saw that it belonged to the hotel, of course, but it was also handed to her by Cao Mingzi yesterday.Why hand it to her?She forgot.

No, I may miss you myself, I will miss you very much, but I will not take the initiative to see you again. After I go back, maybe I should really go to Tibet and start my own new life.After all, I am almost 40 years old, and you are also almost 40 years old. We should no longer wonder about things that have no answers.

But if you invite me, I will come again.As it is now, as it is this time, it's good that you come and go, leaving me here alone, gazing at the bay.

I expected that you would leave - this is my rationality, but I didn't expect you to stay until dusk yesterday.

Although I was briefly adopted and raised, I never really experienced what it was like to take care of someone for many years as an adult.Maybe I may not be able to take good care of it. If I continue to work in this state, I will probably not be able to take good care of it.I don't know how to love another person but you.So maybe the most suitable life for me is to die alone when I can't get what I want most.

It rained a little harder.

"Have you had a good time in Tibet?" Cao Mingzi asked.

"It's very good, it's a place worth going to. I hope I can go again if I have the opportunity." Wang Maoyun nodded, basking in the warm sun very comfortably, her whole body was weak, and she began to wish that she could become a cat, here Lie down forever.

"You have many opportunities, many more than me."

"Yes. If you want to go, you can, but the procedures are a little troublesome. I saw a string of Buddhist beads in Tibet, red agate and turquoise, very beautiful. But after thinking about it, maybe you don't need it, so you don't need it." purchase."

"You didn't buy it for others?" Cao Mingzi laughed.

Wang Maoyun smiled back, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, he looked tired. "No one else."

"Don't do that."

Wang Maoyun should have been shocked by these overly familiar words, but now she won't. She thinks it is a kind of happiness to be able to hear it. No matter what she hears, hearing Cao Mingzi's voice is a kind of happiness. Purpose. "No," she explained with a smile, "I want to take a break. I used to live in chaos. Now that I think about it, I should calm down. I would rather be short than excessive. I have nothing to worry about."

I'm already here and there's nothing to worry about.

"You finally learned to look forward?" Cao Mingzi laughed, half joking and half serious.

"En." Wang Maoyun said.Or rather I finally understood that I could actually move on.

"very nice."

"Yes."

"I used to be terrified of losing you. For a while, I thought I was going to lose you. Thankfully I never did."

The wind blows across the carefully groomed grass, and the clouds in the sky move a distance that is almost imperceptible to the naked eye, but in fact is very long.A millimeter, a thousand miles, just because of different ways of looking at it, they can reach the same goal by different routes.

Wang Maoyun just smiled, because he was tired and didn't need to try his best to control his expression. "But you never have." She said, then recalled Cao Mingzi's saying, "Love can have different forms, methods, and locations. It can be warm or hurt, but there is no right or wrong."

She looked into Cao Mingzi's eyes and found that Cao Mingzi frowned slightly, as if complaining and apologetic. She didn't see it before, and now she doesn't think so, but this was the only time she wanted to take a closer look.

If you feel guilty towards me, I want to forgive you at this moment—perhaps it can't be too late.

"You made your choice and chose something more important. Apart from respecting you, I just want to bless you. I am also very happy to see you happy and happy now. Please believe me."

"The vast cloud..."

"Ok?"

"Life is still long."

Wang Maoyun nodded seriously, "Yes, it's still very long."

When Wang Maoyun was in Tibet, the tour guide advised her to paint the Buddha statues with gold, and she would paint gold, kneel down when she said kneeling, and make a wish if she wanted to.Looking around for an opportunity to see Nanga Bawa Peak, I still didn't see it in the end.The days on the plateau were short of oxygen, simple, and even barren. I didn’t even have time to think about other things, so I almost didn’t think about anything.

The night before she left, she sat on the rooftop until very late, until the sky was full of stars, and she was always awake.It wasn't until it was time to go to sleep that I fully realized that what my partner said was not wrong. "I'm not happy today, and the years are running fast." Maybe letting go of these, too many unnecessary things is not enough. Before the end of this life's bitter journey, there is still a way to find some real and never leave. hapiness.

The past is something that you cannot deny or forget. Only by accepting can you be happy.Then she struck the box of matches she brought back from Canada one by one, and twirled them with her fingertips until they were basically burnt out, before lighting the next one.

A little flame, a little light, burning, extinguishing.Burn, extinguish.burn, extinguish...

When Wang Maoyun came back, he thought he had figured it out.I figured it out, but the headache didn't stop, and it got worse after returning from Tibet. She thought it was a complication of the cervical spine and hypoxia, so she went to see a doctor.

"Just left?" Wang Maoyun bid farewell and left, Cao Mingzi asked in surprise.

"Yes. I live in Four Seasons."

"Choose the most expensive one as soon as you come here. It must be that I treated you badly last time. You blamed me, and now you don't give me a chance to make up for it."

Wang Maoyun laughed, as he did a long time ago: "I'm just lazy, there are so many delicious foods near the four seasons."

While talking, he walked out without stopping.Cao Mingzi knew she was determined to leave.What's more, Wang Maoyun lied to her that he would go to Chicago to deal with some matters, so he didn't force her to stay.Just walking and muttering:

"Fine. But next time you'll give me that chance."

Wang Maoyun didn't dare to turn his head, didn't even dare to speak, but just said with his nose, "Mmm, mmm".

Fortunately, the house is big enough. When he walked to the door, Wang Maoyun had already packed his mood and eyes. The uber was about to arrive. Cao Mingzi sighed and said, "I went all the way around for a long time just to see me, just for one afternoon." ?”

Wang Maoyun nodded and smiled. "You know mine."

Actually you don't know.

Cao Mingzi was probably a little sad, but he still controlled it—bowed his head—then straightened up and said to Wang Maoyun: "We will all be fine. I owe you—"

"You don't owe me anything."

"…….it is good."

"I am leaving."

"Good. Safe travels."

"Ah."

As soon as she turned around, she heard Cao Mingzi say from behind, "I will go to Beijing to see you."

At first she just wanted to nod, but then she felt that there was no need to be so cruel to herself and Cao Mingzi, so she turned around seriously and smiled sincerely, "Okay."

But I can't say "I'm waiting for you", because I probably won't be able to wait.

If I am destined to miss the appointment, I will not make an appointment with you.This is me, the me who has always loved you in some way.