Hanyu's dream of rebirth

Chapter 23

I don’t know when, my thoughts about him changed, my original intention of being nice to him changed, my thoughts of wanting to approach him changed, the way I looked at him changed, my heart, my mind, my thoughts, everything changed , everything to him is no longer the previous dream, he longs for more, longs for another relationship.

This is ridiculous!How could he have such unspeakable thoughts about Kim Jaejoong!He actually has the idea of ​​wanting two people to be together for a lifetime!He actually wants to be Kim Jaejoong's other half!This is wrong!

But knowing that this is wrong and there will be no results, he still can't help but fall into it, very simple and easy, and before he knows it, he has completely degenerated, degraded into a deep and invisible A phantom in the darkness at the bottom, he can't speak out his thoughts, let alone let others know his thoughts, he can only hide them deeply, he is very painful.

An Keru sat cross-legged in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, holding a hot cup of hot water, staring blankly at the beautiful night scene outside, the lights were flickering, quiet and serene, everyone fell asleep, only he was alone.

This time he came to Japan on impulse, but he didn't regret it. He wanted to see Kim Jaejoong. They hadn't seen each other for a long time, maybe more than half a year... He really missed him.

An Keru didn't realize his thoughts shortly after they separated. He was shocked at that time. Although he liked and admired Kim Jaejoong very much, he never had any other thoughts that he shouldn't have, but at this time he had.

This is not right, but it is already deep.An Keru helplessly watched his heart sink deeper and deeper step by step. Every time he thought about him, he sank deeper and deeper. He couldn't miss him.He is in pain.

An Keru didn't know what to do, so she could only hide her thoughts deep in her heart.

It's midnight now, all five TVXQ members are asleep, and An Keru also stays here to rest, but because there is no guest room, everyone let him and Kim Jaejoong share the same bed for the time being.

He has not fallen asleep, how could he be able to sleep?The person he misses so much is by his side, the kind of pain that he can think of but has already made it clear that the answer is impossible to be together is tormenting him, how can he be able to sleep?

Looking at the beautiful night scene outside, An Keru's eyes were full of confusion, tears fell silently, dripping into the water glass, the sound of ticking was clear and crisp, just like his feelings, which had been cut cleanly before it even started. broken.

This is his sorrow.

Sometimes he really wants to say everything desperately, if only he could do that, he has thought about it more than once, but every time he is cut off by himself without a doubt, it doesn't matter if he ruins it, but he It is impossible to do something that hurts Kim Jaejoong.

As long as he said it, everything between them would end, and even the right to stay with Jin Zaizhong would be deprived, An Keruo couldn't take this risk.

"Why are you sitting here? Can't you sleep?" At some point, Jin Jaejoong quietly came behind him.

An Keru was taken aback, and wiped away the tears on his face in a panic, "Ah, it's nothing, I just couldn't sleep."

Jin Zaizhong frowned and sat down beside him, looking at him with those beautiful eyes, "What's wrong with you? Why are you crying? What happened?" He wanted to reach out to touch An Keru, but was avoided.

An Keru's eyes and nose were still red, and there was still a shadow of sadness in his eyes, which made people feel heartbroken.He dodged his eyes, peeked at Jin Jaejoong's expression, lowered his head, "Sorry."

Jin Zaizhong was stunned for a moment, then withdrew his hand, ignoring the emotion in his heart, "Oh, no, what happened? Why are you crying here?"

"Well, it's nothing. It's just that I suddenly remembered something. It's just a little sad. Where's Brother Zaizhong? Can't sleep?" After adjusting his mood, An Keru smiled at Jin Zaizhong, but even he knew that, His smile is probably ugly, as ugly as crying.

Jin Zaizhong frowned, his handsome and exquisite side face exuded a kind of magic power, which attracted everyone's attention and made everyone fall.

An Keru recalled his absurd and unspeakable thoughts again, and quickly turned away from him.

"I just got up to drink water, and I came over when I saw you sitting here." Jin Zaizhong replied, he turned his head to look at An Keru, his worried eyes were charming.

An Keru didn't dare to look at him at all now, he was still very emotional and his hands were still shaking.

"Oh, I'm not sleepy yet, I want to sit down again, Brother Zai, go to bed first." An Ke said with his head down.

"I'm not sleepy, I'll stay with you." Jin Zaizhong refused, then moved closer to him, and found that he was shaking, so he lowered his head and put his hands on An Keru's shoulders, and asked, "What's wrong with you? What happened?" What's the matter? Can't you tell me?"

"It was obviously fine before, wasn't it? You came to see us so happily, why did it happen all of a sudden?" Jin Zaizhong continued to ask, his tone was very anxious and worried.

"I'm fine, I'm really fine, I'm just thinking about the past, so I'm a little emotional, I'm sorry for worrying Brother Zai Zhong." An Ke let out a sigh of relief, and said with a smile.

Jin Zaizhong looked at him hesitantly, let go of his hand, and answered after a while, "Oh, as long as it's okay, you must tell me if you have anything in the future, don't hold it in your heart, you know?" After a pause, he said, " I won't tell anyone, it's a secret between us."

"Well, I see." Anke smiled, nodded, and couldn't help but shed tears again.

Jin Zaizhong wiped it off for him, and his gentle movements made his heart turbulent again, "We are best friends anyway, and I said you are my younger brother, tell me if there is anything in the future, I will help you share it .”

"Well, I know, I know, we are good friends." An Keru cautiously leaned over, leaned his head on Jin Zaizhong's shoulder, and smiled.

We are friends, and only friends, I know.

Jin Zaizhong didn't move. He thought that An Keru was crying because he remembered those hard days before. He had seen those videos of An Keru and knew that he started learning since he was three years old, singing, playing, Dancing, I still have to go to school to study, every day is full of schedules, I have never stopped practicing every day, I have suffered many injuries, I have suffered a lot, and I don’t have much childhood comfort, how painful and difficult it is, Kim Jaejoong thought about it I was so distressed that I could only comfort him silently.

However, Jin Jaejoong didn't know that all of this was requested by An Keruo himself. He didn't feel how much he had suffered, because he thought it was worth it. He cried and was sad because his own love was destined to end before it even started. So he was mourning, mourning the love he had lost, the love he would never have.

"Brother Zaizhong, let me tell you a secret." An Keru sat up, wiped away the tears on his face, smiled, looked at Jin Zaizhong mysteriously, and said.

"What? Is there really a secret?" Jin Zaizhong saw that his mood had stabilized a lot, and he felt relieved, so he asked.

"Yeah, you know what? What's the reason why I came to Korea?"

"How do I know? Could it be that you like this place very much?" Jin Zaijoong didn't think it would be the answer, but he really couldn't think of anything else.

"Because, because of a person! I came here to study for him. At first I just wanted to see him, and later I wanted to be friends with him, so I became an artist. In fact, I have no idea about becoming an artist. But I really want to be friends with him, it’s best if we can chat with him often, just like a good friend.”

"Who is it?" Jin Zaizhong asked very interestedly, wondering if it was one of the five of them.

"He is my idol, who do you say?"

"Isn't your idol me? Hey?! Doesn't that mean that you do it for me..." Jin Jaejoong looked at him in surprise.

"Yeah, are you surprised? Are you happy in Brother Zhong? I came here from a distant hometown just because of you, and I just wanted to see you from the beginning." An Ke's face was full of anticipation, hoping to be praised.

"Ah, I'm very happy. I didn't expect it to be like this. By the way, you came here alone, right? Ah, it seems that you really like me. Do I have such a great charm?" Kim Jaejoong was very happy. But he said in surprise.

"Of course, Brother Zaizhong is very handsome, and I think Brother Zaizhong is very talented. He can sing, dance, write songs and act. He also came out alone to pursue his dreams. He has endured a lot of hardships and never gave up. , that’s what I like in Zhongge.”

"After you told me, I realized that I have so many advantages, haha."

"Originally, brother Zhong is very good."

"Hehe, you too, are you going to sleep? It's already very late."

"Um, okay."

Brother Zhong, you know?My liking for you is no longer a pure liking, it is no longer the kind of idol worship, it has deteriorated, it has become a feeling that I don't want to admit, it has become a feeling that makes me painful, I hate it!I hate it!It makes me not the same as before, so that I can no longer face you calmly, can no longer play with you, talk to you without any scruples like before, I am afraid that I will reveal it inadvertently A little emotion, it will turn into a storm, I'm afraid.

But I can't help it, you understand?I have changed.

An Keruo walked behind Jin Zaizhong, looking at the back desperately and sadly, his heart was so painful that he couldn't help himself, but he couldn't make a sound, and he couldn't show it when the back turned around, he could only hold back.

It hurts even to sigh.